This-n-That

Did anyone else notice the wind today? The weatherman said 10 mph. It seemed like he was off by at least another 25.

You know it's windy when you step out your front door into your back yard.
You know it's windy when you cannot breathe because the wind sucks the air out of your house.
You know it's windy when your speedometer says 50 and you are not moving.

And this one is true: you know it's windy when your 120 pound Vermont BBQ grill flies more than 20 feet without touching the ground. Yep, it happened. And our screenhouse ended up in the woods down back - about 250 feet.

Let me see if I understand this - we are 4 weeks from the first day of summer (after experiencing the 2nd coldest winter in 20 years) , and the weather is like November. And this is what is referred to as "global warming."

Outside the house today, a car hit his brakes, left a streak of rubber for 80 feet! He went headlong through a stonewall, and stopped about 5 feet from my neighbors living room. He then backed up, his engine smoking, and took off without so much as a "howdy-do". That entails property damage and leaving the scene of an accident. The sheriff's department took notes, but did not seem particularly interested.

Although Maine has the highest taxes per capita of any state, Portland city council has decided to lay off about 100 city workers. Our schools are overcrowded, roads do not get plowed well, and many of the roads are almost impassable with all the potholes. Makes you wonder where all that tax revenue is going. But never fear - Maine politicians are a resourceful bunch - just tax soda.

Ralph was telling me he took a Viagra and it got stuck in his throat. He had a stiff neck for days.

I was reading in the paper that every seven seconds, somewhere in this country a woman has a baby. I think they ought to find that woman and give her a new hobby.

Walking through the park, I came upon an elderly man crying. I asked what was wrong. He said he was 97 years old, and four years ago he lost his wife of 60 years. I said, "I see now why you are crying."

"No", he said. "Two years ago I met a 24 year old Swedish Bombshell, and it has been nothing but sex all day long."

"Wow", I said. "Is that anything to cry about?"

"You don't understand", he said. "I'm 97 years old, and I FORGOT WHERE I LIVE!"

My daughter, Christi, wants to thank all of you who voted for her PT Woody at Bonny Eagle on Sunday. She was tickled that she took Third Place, and recognizes that it was you who helped make it possible.

Until the next gathering...

Bill